Dependence

So I think my significant other is tired of me talking about how I do not have a job or don't like living in Staten Island. So this will be another use for my blog. Since he does not seem to want to hear it maybe he will read it. I doubt it but at least I can pretend someone cares to read about it, maybe not him but maybe someone else?

I moved here hoping that it would not be this hard to find a job. I guess one of the main things is that I want a job that I like doing. I care about the money but I want to like the job too. So I am applying to a bunch of different places in hopes that someone will view my feeble attempt at a resume and cover letter and actually think that it is full of brilliance.

Also I have another dilemma. I have five options when going for my Bachelors In Business. These five include: Accounting, International Business, Marketing, Management, or Finance. I do not think I would be good at marketing and I do not know a language well enough to do international. So I have narrowed it down to the other three.

I like accounting. I really do surprisingly. The only thing is I take it online so it is a lot easier (as long as you keep up with the work of course because there is a lot). Of course doing something over and over like is necessary in online courses helps me personally a lot.
Finance, well I know nothing much about it. I would like to get into it because I have no idea what to do with my finances. (not that I have any since I have no source of income). Plus I can tell people what to do and get paid for it.
I love being management. I liked it at McDonald's. Maybe it is different in a different job. I like being ahead of others and knowing things before anyone else and telling them what to do. I might not have been much of a good manager to other people but I thought I was damned good at getting things done.

Either way any of these can make me money. The thing is will I like any of them? I really do not know. I do not have much experience with different jobs.

I hate feeling so insecure about everything. The big thing right now is money. I have no source of income and my boyfriend seems to think it does not matter. He says he will take care of me but what if he decides he does not want to anymore. Or what if something happens that costs us a lot of money. We aren't even married, not even engaged and I feel like I depend too much on him now. It frustrates me that he does not sit down and talk to me seriously about it. He takes it so nonchalantly and it drives me crazy. I do not want to have to depend on someone for financial support. That may be a part of relationships to other people but at this point in our relationship I am not up or ready for it. I do not know when I will be. I do not know when or if I will be comfortable with it.

I guess, I have to be. For now.